Happy birthday Dad!

During our time on Gloucester street My dad’s drinking pattern didn’t change that much . He still drank until his behaviour was intolerable and embarrassing. Francine my sister had eloped with Eugene my now brother in-law and my dad was furious. Eugene went under the name Paul for some reason so that’s what we called him. He tried to go over there and force her back but she was an adult and the police refuse to intervene. Where they were living they became friends with Johnny Deluseluc! If the Name Johnny conjures up in your mind a man with an Elvis Presley haircut who loves 60`s rock and roll , you have the right picture. Johnny was a street fighter and good at it. His wife was a big set women who was the only one that would hit him and get away with it. Johnny was of course on the side of Francine and Paul on the issue of eloping. Johnny played guitar and he was related to Denis who was Francine’s former boyfriend. My dad’s birthday was coming up so my Mom decided to make him a birthday party .My older brother Rheal was living with us at the time and he didn’t like Johnny and my Dad didn’t like Eugene. My Mom was trying to bring the peace between Her intention’s were good but as usual my Mom seem to have blocked out how my dad gets when he drinks . Everyone got invited . Johnny and his wife Celine, Paul and Francine, and an old friend of my Dad Gary Paquette who often socialised with us over the years. The stage was set! As people were arriving all was going well but someone had to go to Russell County to pick up Gary. Since I had been there before I was ask to go with another friend of Paul that we knew on Lyon street to go pick them up. I cant remember his name right now so I will call him Luc ! I remember asking him if he knew how to drive because I had never seen him drive and he had just bought this car. He responded with words that I would hear again before my future car crashes. You guessed it ! On the way there we had my very first car accident . It was a bad one. Apparently I had smashed the window with my head . I remember crashing and landing on the side . Luc was passed out I had to pull him out . Then I remember everything was blurry as I was trying to flag down cars . Then I remember an ambulance taking me to a hospital and me getting stitches. While I was away the drinking went on at my Dad’s party to excess as usual . Rheal started getting into a conflict with Johnny which turned into a fight next thing you know My Dad being also drunk jumped in! Johnny being a good fighter was taking them both on . Paul got in the middle to try to break it up and so did my Mom. All hell broke loose and the party was over . I remember my Mom came to get me at the hospital but I can’t remember who brought her . So that was my Dad’s birthday party on Gloucester. If I can say something at this time is `my life wasn’t boring that’s for sure!

Victim or survivor?

The psychiatric profession will tell you that people who get picked on a lot are perpetual victims! If your constantly defending yourself , arguing with people or feeling rejected by people you would probably be classified this way. My theory is people who become psychiatric either have lived a charm life or plain just blocked out reality . If you point out the Jews and there constants persecutions through out history they would likely say “ that’s not the same!“ What makes one person more a target then the other is still unclear to me but lets continue looking to my pass.
During the years I was I was learning the hard lessons of life and good ones on Glousester street , I would also be fighting the good fight at school. I lived down town Ottawa but my Junior high and high school were on the west side of Ottawa. What I now call the Western Front My home was the Central Front. As I mention before being rejected undeservingly left scares on me . Junior high was going fairly well . I was adjusting to my new friends Jimmy , Mike and Marcel. I found math very difficult but in general I wasn’t doing bad. I had a teacher that I admired . By the kids standard he was one of the kool teachers. I loved his class I was very involve in any discussion until one day he told me the principal wanted to see me. When got the I was made to side in the waiting area for what seemed like and hour then sent back to my class with no explanation. My friend Jimmy later told me that they had a class discussion about me and that the teacher told them I would never amount to anything in life. He instructed them that for there own good they should stop hanging around me. That really hurt me ! Maybe I imagined it but I since they were different with me after that .
When I graduated to Champlain high also on the west side of Ottawa that became my Western Front. I was starting to change not only as I was going through puberty but emotionally I started to resent school. The main bully in my class was Luc Laroque . He was tuff but not so tuff that I was going to let him walk all over me. One day he wanted my seat in class and I refused. He then slap me on the head so I toad up from my desk to challenge him. I was always brave enough to stand up to people but never brave enough to throw a punch. He kick me in the balls but I absorbed the pain and made like it didn’t hurt. Just then the teacher came in so he said “ I’ll get you after school!” All day I stressed trying to think how I would fight this guy . I refuse to run ! Better I get beat up the hide . Well it turns out he never looked for me . The part that stays with me the most is when I stood up to him in class , the class was cheering for him not me . In my eyes I was the good guy so why were they cheering for him? Two other guys name Jacque Babino and his brother Maurice were also school bus bullies I had to deal with . My friend Denis had beaten Maurice in a fight but one day when I was alone on the bus without my friends Jacques tried to bully me to give up my seat . Of course I refuse as always so he told me he’d get me at the bus stop then walked by . Suddenly I felt a hard shove in my back he had dropped kick me in the back when I wasn’t looking. That really hurt but I held it in . He leaned over after and said “ I’m not going to fight you this time , but you better watch yourself!” Between the Central front dealing with my drunken Dad beating my sister and my battles on the Western Front with teacher rejection and standing up to bullies I was becoming angry inside . The more a person feels rejected the more they try to be accepted! I concluded that being a bad person makes you popular so I started stealing from the Confectionery store close by . I would hide food in my coat lining then walk out . One day they called out to me and I ran pass them . Soon everyone it seemed knew I was a thief but it didn’t make people like me . Instead they disliked me more . One day in shop class a cat came into the class and the girls were screaming like crazy. I got up , grabbed the cat and through it high in the air. I though it would land on its feet but it landed on its head. Now I was know as “the cat killer” because the cat died. Not long after that I quit school. I've always stood up for myself and yet I have found myself fighting for survival more then poeple who haven't stood up for themself.As I continue my writing I hope to find answers for this.

The good with the bad

Life is funny that way ! You have to take the good with the bad . Sort it all out in your mind and keep what you can use .My short time on Glouisester street came with some of my most influential memories ! My best guess is I lived on Glousester street from age 14 to 16 . That’s the only part I can’t be sure about my memories is the exact age I was at the time. I remember Albert the oldest of the family also a man with good integrity . He had a friend name Bob who was a drug addict and a drunk who for some reason when ever he had the chance would try to bully me or intimidate me. Like all the other bullies at that time I would look him in the eyes and never show I was scared of him. A few times Albert had to push him off of me . The first time I saw anyone get beat up was the day Albert beat up his uncle on the front seat of his truck. For some reason they really hated that uncle . Even Dom tried to beat him up years later and apparently I stopped him but I was to drunk to remember. Although I would never let anyone see it I was deeply affected by people who hated me for no reason. There was Bob, Albert’s friend but there were others. When Danny moved out a guy name Garry Martin and his wife Ainsley but we called her Angel moved in . Dom and Richard started hanging out there But I was kicked out by Garry for reasons he never reveal. I would meet Garry Martin 2 years later and he still express his hate for me . He even tried to kick me out of my friends house . I was of course older and stronger then so needless to say he now has a reason to hate me and I doubt he will ever express it again.
I got my first kiss on Glousester street . This English family moved into our house after we moved to Manotic ,I would still come and hang out for a while . I hit on there daughter and we eventually kissed . The 3 French girls who lived above Danny’s place would be in my sister Danielle’s life for many years after . My first true love Theresa happened on Lyon street . Even though I never told her it was to stay with me for years to come. I thought I had completely lost her when she fell for Andre Charon the brother of Diane but there romance didn’t last . Andre was also one of the “friends” who would sucker punch me in the face ! Danny also sucker punched me on day when we were suppose to be play fighting using our legs only. When Danny thought he was loosing he punched me unexpectedly .I would turn out that while I lived and hung out on Glousester street my “friends” would come to have been more danger to me then my enemies. The times Dom , Richard and me stole some Mustang bicycles in the winter and we would ride around wiping out in the snow is a fun memory for me . Hanging out with Dom was for the most part a good experience . Dom had a way with girls so even though I never had a girlfriend then a lot of what I did when I started dating I learned from watching Dom. I dropped out of school when I lived on Glousester street . Even though I moved to Manotic with my family I would return a few times to this place to hang out . I would come back in and out of this family’s life several times in the next 2 years . The good with the bad, those were my memories of Glousester streets. As time will move foward the bad memories is what will come to define me and not the good.

John

Not long after I met Dom I recall he went to jail for some reason. I believe it was on weekends. For a little while I hung around with his brother John . John was a few years younger then me I thought but recently I found out he was my age but very smart and manipulative. He was a good looking kid and always seem to be happy and smilling .The problem is he seem to lack the conscience when it came to people and even his family. John didn’t have any money so he stole . He stole from hanyone who would leave money unattended. With his stealing came his pathological lying. You could catch him with his hand in your pocket pulling out money and he would tell you he was putting it in because he found it on the floor. His father caught him a few time .A couple of times he took me to his places he would steal money. He would go to hotel fitness center and rob the lockers . After a few weekends with John I stop hanging with him . You see I liked that family ! They were nice to me so I didn’t want to be involve with any of what John stole. I believed until just recently that John stole from his family as well but he insisted on our last visit that he would never have stolen from him family. I decided to belive him.Truth is John was very smart ! He was the forth oldest in a family of ten I believe. There father worked long hours to keep the family afloat . They were very poor and maybe that’s why I liked them because we were also very poor . Yet when there children brought someone home they would feed them like there own. I remember Dom inherited that kindness through out his life They took me in as one of there own it seemed to me at the time. Once Dom was done his jail time we started hanging out on weekends a lot . Richard worked at a dry cleaner . Both him and Dom quit school and went into the work force. Dom worked for his Dad for a summer then he went to work in moving with his brother Albert moving furniture. John was always in trouble then and He continued on that path for many years.I lost touch with him then later our path would cross again.

What is a friend?

When I was a boy I had 3 people I would of called my friend. Paul Paquette, Daniel Richer and Guys Baroque . At that time the definition of friend was simple ! A friend was someone I played with all the time . We hug out . We were never mean to each other, we just had fun. Then I moved to the city were I my definition of a friend did not fit what I was experiencing. As I mention my friends on Glousester street were Dom . Richard, and Danny. We hung out together every weekend . In fact it was through them that I was first introduced to drinking . I still remember well the beer of choice . It was Labatt’s 50. Through them I met Mike Lloyd and Fran they were adults but let us hang out at there place to drink on the weekend. I included them as friends. My battles with bullies were also being fought on the school front so one day I skipped school and went to Mikes house. He had a friend over and they were drinking rye. Soon enough I was being dared to drink rye. First in a shot glass then came a dare to drink a coke glass full of rye. I was edged on by the usual macho lingo like “ are you a man or a mouse” so not to be outdone I drank the whole glass. Needless to say my memories of the events of that night were few and far apart . It seems I fell in a tub full of dirty diapers while going for a piss. I remember Mike leading me to the bedroom to go sleep it off but that didn’t work I decided crawl out a window through a screen and started walking home . I remember falling in the middle of Bronson street cars all around me and that’s it! The next day I woke up my face and lips all swollen. I had no idea how I got home. Your probably imagining that I got in a fight and got beat up maybe by that gang who didn’t like me. I wish I could say it was ! In fact what happen is I showed up at Danny’s place with my pants down to my knees. Funny enough you may think ! Dom tried to get me to pull up my pants but I was too drunk so they brought me to the back of the house so my dad wouldn't see me that way. So far I would say that’s what a friend would do. And I think you would agree! For some reason , maybe because I knew nothing about getting drunk I got into my head that if someone hit me I would sober up. I was apparently screaming and crying a lot also! This probably accounted for the fact that every time I asked someone to hit me Richard would punch my face! Yes , that’s right my friend punched me so many times my lip was the thickness of my index and my eyes were black. My sister eventually told my dad who carried me home to my bed. Years later when I discussed this with Dom he informed me that Richard was still bragging about that day! My question is “ what is the defenition of a friend”? Was it Mike tha adult who tricked me into over drinking or was it Richard who tried to keep me quiet by punching my face off. Maybe they were the definition of a friend . Don't worry! I will block this incedent out as usual and remain friends with them.It seems through out my life that I've been hit in the face as many times by poeple who called themself my friend as by my enemies.

The making of Paul part#2

The incident with Gordy Johnson’s gang left me upset . The 3 faces I would remember well from that incident was Gordy Johnson, Danny Minsky and of course the older guy who punched me. I never saw Gordy after that day , at lease not face to face. One day I decided to take a different route to school and coming toward me was Danny Minsky. Running into my enemies is something that would repeat its self several times in my life, even to this day. We were both walking toward each other and I had resolve that this is where I would make my stand . If he said anything to me I would punch him . As is often the case with gang members is whenthey are alone they are seldom as brave . I was walking toward him resolved to not move for him and as we were within 4 feet from each other he moved off the side walk and walked around me. I felt great! He must of recognised me because the next day he crossed to the other side of the street as soon as he saw me. They never again bothered me after that day at Danny’s place. Years later I would meet the guy who punch me at a time in my life when forgiveness was not my strong suit. The outcome I will share later.

The making of Paul part #2

The making of Paul part #1

I read once that” a man is the sum of his life experience and his ability to come to term with them”. I grew up in fear . Fear of my father drinking rage and frequent lashing out at my sister Carole. The screaming and crying as he would force feed her oat meal because she would not eat it. Often these fears were reinforced by my mom’s treats . “Wait until your Dad comes home !” she would say when she wanted to control us. Fear of my teachers who would single me out in school for reasons I haven’t quite figure out yet. Fear of bullies like the English kids who lay in waiting to pounce on us with rocks as we walked home from school .The there was the media fear! I remember to well the radio broadcast as a child sitting at my desk announcing the assassination of President Kennedy . The later Martin Luther King . Through out my life I have had this ability to block out the bad and to focus on the good in my life . For some reason I often blocked out realities ! Something I still do to this day . A good example of this was what happen one day when I lived on Gloucester street .
My Mom had put me on an allowance. I would go around the corner and spend it at a local confectionary. There was a group of guys who would always call me “Goof” as I rod my bicycle by. Being naive or just plain not being in touch with reality I would often return the comments with my own response . “Hi Goofs” I would reply . The reality was that they were seriously expressing there dislike to me and I didn’t see it . One day I was at the confectionary and they showed up . As I pass by them they started on me again calling me names .Goof being one of them . I reciprocated by calling them Goofs” too all the time giggling . The leader was Gordy Johnson and at this time they were more aggressing and trip me . Then when I was walking away they shoved me in the back. I decided that I was going to have to fight these guys. I told my friends at that time about the incident . There was Dom , Richard , Danny and Me . There was 5 of them and 4 of us and by my standard that seemed like a fair fight. Again I was naive ! A younger kid came around to my house where me and my friends were and said “ My brother wants to fight with you” . I agreed without hesitation!. The funny think is I had never had a real fight so I had no idea how I was going to pull this off but I was willing. Right there and then I heard from Dom and Richard “ that’s Gordy Johnson’s brother!“ I responded “so!“ “We can’t fight them !“ they insisted . This made me mad so I responded “ that’s ok ! Ill do it alone” So here we are sitting on Danny's deck when I spot the 5 of them coming up the street.Dom had wandered off because he was trying to call down old lady Herber who was upset at Theresa for teasing her . In Theresa's defence Old lady Herbert was allways screaming at the kids when they walk by. I guess Theresa had finalky had enough! Danny went inside but Rchard stayed across from me on the porch but he had already insisted he would not fight so I ruled him out.It was at this time that I notice another larger group of guys coming around the corner ! They were the Bay Street Gang! I would later find out that Gordy's group were like the juniors to the bay street Gang. Suddenly I had 5 guys in front of me and a street full of older then me guys cheering for a fight . I of course refused to fight at this point but suddenly 1 of the older kids came out from the crowd and punch my face . Once I felt that I moved toward him! Then a hand grabbed my shoulder . It was my dad and he walked me away from the crowd and back to our home. I remember a few hours later how embarrass I was that I had been scared of them but more important I was ashamed that my friends had chickened out and left me to my demise. I realised at that tinme that friends were not poeple I should depend on to feel safe. Don't worry I will block that out also until my next friendship betrayal!