I read once that” a man is the sum of his life experience and his ability to come to term with them”. I grew up in fear . Fear of my father drinking rage and frequent lashing out at my sister Carole. The screaming and crying as he would force feed her oat meal because she would not eat it. Often these fears were reinforced by my mom’s treats . “Wait until your Dad comes home !” she would say when she wanted to control us. Fear of my teachers who would single me out in school for reasons I haven’t quite figure out yet. Fear of bullies like the English kids who lay in waiting to pounce on us with rocks as we walked home from school .The there was the media fear! I remember to well the radio broadcast as a child sitting at my desk announcing the assassination of President Kennedy . The later Martin Luther King . Through out my life I have had this ability to block out the bad and to focus on the good in my life . For some reason I often blocked out realities ! Something I still do to this day . A good example of this was what happen one day when I lived on Gloucester street .
My Mom had put me on an allowance. I would go around the corner and spend it at a local confectionary. There was a group of guys who would always call me “Goof” as I rod my bicycle by. Being naive or just plain not being in touch with reality I would often return the comments with my own response . “Hi Goofs” I would reply . The reality was that they were seriously expressing there dislike to me and I didn’t see it . One day I was at the confectionary and they showed up . As I pass by them they started on me again calling me names .Goof being one of them . I reciprocated by calling them Goofs” too all the time giggling . The leader was Gordy Johnson and at this time they were more aggressing and trip me . Then when I was walking away they shoved me in the back. I decided that I was going to have to fight these guys. I told my friends at that time about the incident . There was Dom , Richard , Danny and Me . There was 5 of them and 4 of us and by my standard that seemed like a fair fight. Again I was naive ! A younger kid came around to my house where me and my friends were and said “ My brother wants to fight with you” . I agreed without hesitation!. The funny think is I had never had a real fight so I had no idea how I was going to pull this off but I was willing. Right there and then I heard from Dom and Richard “ that’s Gordy Johnson’s brother!“ I responded “so!“ “We can’t fight them !“ they insisted . This made me mad so I responded “ that’s ok ! Ill do it alone” So here we are sitting on Danny's deck when I spot the 5 of them coming up the street.Dom had wandered off because he was trying to call down old lady Herber who was upset at Theresa for teasing her . In Theresa's defence Old lady Herbert was allways screaming at the kids when they walk by. I guess Theresa had finalky had enough! Danny went inside but Rchard stayed across from me on the porch but he had already insisted he would not fight so I ruled him out.It was at this time that I notice another larger group of guys coming around the corner ! They were the Bay Street Gang! I would later find out that Gordy's group were like the juniors to the bay street Gang. Suddenly I had 5 guys in front of me and a street full of older then me guys cheering for a fight . I of course refused to fight at this point but suddenly 1 of the older kids came out from the crowd and punch my face . Once I felt that I moved toward him! Then a hand grabbed my shoulder . It was my dad and he walked me away from the crowd and back to our home. I remember a few hours later how embarrass I was that I had been scared of them but more important I was ashamed that my friends had chickened out and left me to my demise. I realised at that tinme that friends were not poeple I should depend on to feel safe. Don't worry I will block that out also until my next friendship betrayal!
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