Suddenly after my last entry I stop writing . I had reach a topic in my writing that made me stop . Why did this happen? Well the topic is Theresa! One day I saw Dom’s Sister Theresa for the first time coming in from school. I had herd her voice from the other side of the porch divider but when I finally put a face to the voice I was speechless! She was beautiful with her long hair and warring here Catholic school girl uniform. From that first day I fell madly in love with her. All my secret thoughts were about her. I would spend hours hanging out at there house waiting to get a glimpse of her. She was always on the go but she always said “hi” and that was enough to put me in the clouds until next time. She was very loud! You knew when she was around but she was also very funny. She was very outgoing it seem to me at the time. Even though years later she would tell me that that was a very shy time in her life. From that first day she was “The one” . IF you haven't figured it out yet I was very insecure. I had all these feeling flowing through me but no idea what to do about them. Today my attraction to Theresa would be define as obsession but for me it was "love". I wanted no one else . My fantasies were confine to what little I knew about dating which was kissing. I think there Mom knew it because often she would tell me if Theresa was home or not even though I always pretended I was there for Dom. There’s is nothing more fustrating for a teenager then not knowing what to say to a girl he likes. So why did I stop writing when I got to the topic of Theresa? That’s why! She was "the one". She was the ruler or the measuring stick that is used against every women I ever dated after . No women has ever been able to live up to my fantasy of Theresa! Once I became more familiar with dating and more confident in myself I had an average of 3 girlfriend a year during my teen years . The relationships never lasted . How could they ? They weren’t Theresa! To this day I feel guilty for all those women I dated .Those who's heart I must of broken! In most case however throughout my life I have chosen women who would eventually be unfaithful to me but as I ponder my life I think maybe that’s because subconsciously I was emotionally unfaithful to them . They were not Theresa and they could never be . What is ironic about my obsession with Theresa is I had elevated Theresa to a level that even Theresa her self could not possibly live up to. My fantasy Theresa had no flaws ! She was good hearted , funny, always happy and always giving . In short she was a saint! Yet my inability to realise that throughout my life would have a profound influence on all my future relationships with women and the paths I would chose in life.
