Who is Family?

If you asked people who they call Family they will likely point to those they were born from or there siblings . For years I would of agreed! Even though I left home very young and have barely kept in touch with my family they were still the people I would point to as “My Family”. Of course that includes my 2 sons and my wife for 13 years. First lets look at Francine. She was by far the most responsible of all my sisters . As a role model I once thought her to be ideal and irreproachable . The reality was she was married to a man who would often been rumoured to have made advances to not only my sisters but later my nieces even. Although his own daughters have never made accusations that I am aware of I did find it odd how out of control they hate was suddenly for there Mom and Dad. Francine took sides against her own Daughters and stood by her husband and disowned anyone who dare to accuse him . That would later include my sister Jocelyn. For me it was years earlier when she and her husband became more prominent in the Jehovah Witness organisation. As she put it then “we have nothing in common now “ . This statement was made to me once it was reveal that I was no longer a member of this organisation. Jehovah Witness were also people I once considered as family until I was shun for speaking out about some of there teachings. So in religion people often refer to each other as Brothers and Sisters. For me that proved to be short live. Then there is Danielle the sister who ‘s hate for men eventually came to a peak when my Dad died and was turned on me with such vicious lies that would turn even My Mom away from me. When a Sister call’s you a women beater and a rapist to your friends when ironically you’ve barely spend a total of 1 month together in the total of 35 years can I really call her My sister? Then there ‘s my sister Carole who at the age of 14 running away and eventually landed in a reform school for girls. Its true she was the battered child as was my brother Rehal was but we were only children too why did she have to turn vicious around us with very little provocation. Why blame us? She may have gotten the beatings but as children we had to witness them does she really believe that we are not also scarred from this? When she came to my home to so call support me but instead tried to ruin what was in my mind my last Christmas with my kids and then to threaten me with the Hells Angels! Is this Family? Then there’s my brother Rehal who was also abused and by the age of 13 was in reform schools for years then in and out of our lives . We never bonded! He was never there to help me deal with the bullies in my life or be a big brother. Recently these three members of my family with the collaboration of Francine not only told vicious lies to turn my Mom against me but moved her so I can’t find her to this day. Is this “Family”? I think not! Will I morn if any one of them dies before me in the next few years . I think not! If I won a lottery tomorrow would they be in my thoughts as people to help? Not likely. Maybe I am a perpetual victim maybe not ! I have suffered as much grief from those I whom I would call friends throught out my life as from my own family and still to this day.
In contrast there is the Barbe Family. After 35 years of not hearing from me and suddenly I come into there life again and this is what I got . They received me like I had never left. They did not judge me, they did not even rebuke me for not having kept contact. Instead they gathered together to give me the warmest welcome any human being could ever hope for. I felt so close to them . They have had years of living with there own tragedies and tribulations but all this was put aside briefly for my visit. To me that is Family! You can’t buy that kind of love!
What about my wife you probably think ! Surely she’s family! The 13 years I spent married it would be best to sum up as I lived with my worst enemy for 13 years. She not only was my worst enemy during my marriage but in the divorce she took away the only 2 thing that mattered left . That was my 2 sons. She destroyed my soul if there is such a thing before she left then she wilfully took advantage of my emotional breakdown and had me sign myself out of all our joint assets. Will I morn her if she dies before me. Not likely !In fact if not for the love I have for my sons I would wish her a long and horrible death that would resemble all the pain I have endured since the day we married.
Maybe the problem is me! Maybe I have bonding issues! All I know is I once referred to all of them as my family at one time or another now there just pains of my past that will haunted me until I die.
You hear over and over how blood relatives are to each other and yet still refer to each other as Family! Why? We all only have 1 life to live and why spend it reliving the same pain over and over again. The bible says somewhere that if a hand causes you to sin you should cut it out . Well my saying is “If anyone! Causes you repeated pain or rejects you unprovoked then you cut them out of your life for good and don’t look back or feel guilty” LOVE is earned it is not just a fact! I have always let the people I care about know I love them in one way or another and if you have done the same then you are "guilt free" cut your enemies loose and enjoy your life.
My Family is my 2 sons Daniel and Jean Paul and the remaining members like Jocelyn and Alan who did not take part is my family’s recent and past sins.Of course all my nieces and nepheus !Regretably my Mom who is too poisoned by the others to know me from the lyies must now live out her days without ever seing me again . Most importantly my family is the Barbe family whom I will cherish until I dies and will dearly morn any of them dying before me.

Flash forward June 25 / 2011

Ironically my last blog entry of me at the age of 17 I was on my way to Toronto. I was leaving behind all my friends in the Barbe family and going toward my yet to be lived adventures. Then I stop writing for a while . The irony is that my trip to Ottawa for my dad’s funeral turned out to be a trip back in time. I went to visit some of the homes I lived in . The farm was torn down but I was able to find a few remains of what was the barn steps or maybe the house. My sons were with me for this walk into the past. The place we lived in on Lyon St. was still there but was schedule to be torn down in 17 days. I got pictures before I returned to Calgary. When I returned on June 25 to deal with my family issues I also made arrangement to meet with my extended family and friends from when I lived on Gloucester St. . When I started writing this blog about a year ago I also started making contact with Doreen and Teresa Barbe . I arranged to meet with them when I got to Ottawa. The Barbe’s being the people that makes them so awesome not only arrange to meet with me but gathered together for the occasion over a BBQ. It was amasing seeing everyone. Doreen who was an awesome host and she looked so much like her Mom and Albert who looked the most like his Dad made me feel that I never left .They were of course not Albert senior or miss Barbe but definitely the same welcoming as there Mom and Dad would of given. I visited with Teresa Barbe the women I had such a crush on all these years . I visited with John and remenist on many things I had totally forgotten like me chasing him from dating my sister Jocelyne. I also spend time with Dominic The only man that I would truly say was a friend to me in my youth and still to this day. Everyone had aged of course but its was amasing to be united with them after over 35 years. I even met people I never thought I would see again like Nancy Bigras and Richard Beaty. Nancy and Dom reunited after years . They dated when we lived on Gloucester St. Sadly I found out that Richard Beaty was struck with a terrible muscular ealnest that is with him to this day. Sharon Mayhew who was Dominic’s wife and soul mate for years until she was struck down by cancer, wasn’t there and neither was little Louise and her special happy smile I will never forget. Sleep well Sharon and Louise we will meet again soon. I had a chance to relive some of my past with the only people I concider family . I ended my visit with a fishing trip with Martine Lantoine who was also and is to this day a friend forever to me. She actualy caught a nice size fish to my suprise! Dominic drove me to the airport and after a scary flight home that I survived I was glad but sad to get home. I will cherish this time forever in my heart.

Flash forward to April / 2011 My fathers death

On the month of April 2011 my Father past away. He had been sick for a long time until he finally died. You hear a lot about what happens to a family when a family member dies but what ever I may have herd would never prepare me for what was to happen next. It was a chapter right out of Gerry Springer show . Through out my blog I have made no secret that I resented my father . Over the years I made several attempt to move my parents to Alberta so I could care for them in the old years. My Mom would use excuses like my dad can’t travel because of his legs or that she can’t leave Micheline my retarded sister alone in Ottawa. This used to make me very angry because I reasoned that they were retired it was easier for them to move here then for me to relocate and find work. Anyway through out the years I rarely phoned home . I stopped phoning after my divorce I think and even then it wasn’t very often. I used to phone my Mom when I had good news to tell the problem is over the years I rarely had anything good to talk about So I stopped phoning. The truth is our whole family was scattered across Canada and we rarely called. I loved my Mom but I blamed my Dad so I was too angry to call. Anyway my Dad died and the only reason I found out was that my niece posted it on Face book .My niece had always been there for them while most of us stayed away most likely because of our relationship with our dad or just plain our life circumstances . She had jumped the gun when my Dad was sick and in trying to help my Mom convinced her to sign over access to her bank account so she could help her. My Mom is 80% deaf and blind so this wasn’t malicious But this ignited a family reaction that shocked even me. When I arrived there I spoke to Nathaly my niece to get the story of what was going on then headed to my Mom’s place a block away. There was no response to the door caller so I went up with my two sons. When my older brother reluctantly open the door I walked into find my Mom hiding around the corner terrified to even approach me. Finally after a few minutes she came and hugged me and cried in my arms. Rehal went on and on how Nathaly had tried to kidnap My Mom delaying me while my older sister Danielle was to arrive because he had called her. Right away when she arrived she started with “who’s side are you on” and accusation of theft and kidnapping by My niece. The more I tried to speak to my Mom the more she would caution her away to sit somewhere else. It was unbelievable . Since I was'nt given any information about my Dad’s funeral I did'nt book the right time off from work . Believing that if I leave all will calm down and my Mom will be able to grieve and since the funeral would'nt be for another week , I decided not to stay for it. After one last unannounced visit I returned to Alberta leaving My Mom in the hands of my lunatic brother and my insanely in raged sister Danielle. I tried calling from Alberta only to find that my calls were being screened. Then I found out my youngest sister Jocelyne went to the funeral and was assaulted by other members of our family who were there. That’s when I decided to cancel my vacation and go directly to Ottawa and deal with this. When I got there my Mom had already been moved and her phone number changed. With the police help I was abel to get them a number that they called. The update they gave me was that my brother Real was gone to Montreal and that my Mom was moved to a home. She said she would call me when things settled down but hasn’t yet . My sister Danielle’s poison seem to have turned my Mom against me. My Mom inherited some money and land from her sister Evette when she passed away and my guess is that is the motivation behind Danielle’s pushing everyone out of my Mom’s life and out of her will. If my Mom never calls me I guess her funeral will be the last time I pay her a visit. As for my family , when my mom dies I am cutting ties with most of them who were involve in the terrible disrespectful behaviour after the passing of my father. I have yet to morn my fathers passing and maybe never will until this dark chapter on our family history is forgotten.

Hitchiking to Toronto

Off I went to Toronto! This wasn't the first time I hitchiked in fact I hitchhiked allot in those days. When your young you think your invincible I guess. Today I would never recommend it. If you talk to any guy who has hitchhiked he will tell you that he's fantasized about a hot girl picking him up and ultimatly having sex sometime on the trip. Although I can't discredit any guy who says that has happen to him I can tell you that in my experience 80% of the time I was picked up by a homosexual who would eventually try to have his way . This got to be an expectation to me so I started caring a switch blade in my pocket because some of them were very aggressive. One in particular I remember was so aggressive he actually took a side road off the highway then parked and started to touch me. At that point I told him I had a switch blade in my pocket. "Don't make me pull it out” I said! He then backed off and took me back to the highway where he stopped to let me off. I said “why are you stopping?" "I'm only going to the next town! I live there" he said. "Hey! I said "you said you were going to Toronto so that where we are going" I insisted .At this point I had my blade out and he didn't argue back. The trip there was 2 hours and we didn't speak once. We exited on Young street where I got off . I could'nt resist saying “next time don't lye you Fag!" I hurried to the subway thinking he would probably call the police. I didn't get my driver’s licence until years later so dealing with Homosexuals was a weekly accurance as I hitchhiked from one place to another. Not all memories are homosexual related. I have memories of staying at people’s houses sometimes. Other times sleeping in abandoned houses. One time I was hitchhiking on Albion rd and got picked up by some teenagers who wanted me to help them roll a car over. We stopped at an abandoned farm and rolled an old rusted car over. I guess that was there small town Friday excitement. Once when I was hitching back from Nova Scotia I got a ride from an old lady who must of drove 100 mile an hour for 2 hours. I thought I was going to shit my pants or worst die that day. I survived that ride and many more bizzar encounters in my hitchhiking days.

My summer in Pinecrest

My time in Bayshore area was the official coming out of Mike Young my alter ego. As I mention that same summer I also hung out at Pinecrest project just up the hill from Bayshore. After my confrontation with Billy I felt unstoppable. The radio I got beat up over came from this project . The rent a cop as we called them didn’t know me yet so I was able to roam freely around the project during the day and steal by night. The break ins I did were in middle class homes on the other side of Pinecrest road and some were in Bayshore. At the time I reasoned that I was like Robin Hood ! Taking from the rich to give to the poor which was me. I realise now that the things I did then were wrong but back then I justified them. After my short time in Bayshore I had more confidence with girls and when I wore out my welcome in Bayshore I hit Pinecrest with a vengeance! My friend Dom had a girl in the projects close to Bayshore so we would go there once in a while . I remember one time we were coming home from there drunk and Dom decided it would be funny to throw around lit matches. This of course started a field fire . That was very unusual behaviour for Dom but I think he was having girl issues then . The fire trucks came but no one ever found out who did that . The security guards started being more aggressive after that so I avoided them when I would see them coming. I think Dom was having a good time in Pine crest too. If Dom had a chance to wet his pecker he took it ! Such was the case with Shamira’s Mom , whom we referred to as old lady Shamira. Then there was Diane Lavern . His relationship with Diane came to an end when one weekend when she got so drunk she vomited in the toilet flushing her partial that replace several of her front teeth. Diane’s family was very poor and for that summer she didn’t get her partial replace. I felt very sad for Diane at 15 years old this is an emotional scar that must of followed her for the rest of her life .When I lost touch with her she was sniffing glue and doing any drugs she could find . It was through her boyfriend that summer that I first took Purple Microdot acid . We hugn out sometime but she was out of control and brought to much attention to me. It was when hanging with her that the security guards first checked me for ID. Not thinking for a moment I told them my name was Mike Young. As lbad uck would have it they had me on there list since the radio incidence at there down town office. That day they had me escorted of the property but I returned at dark. My first girlfriend at Pinecrest was Suzan . She was eccentric but very nice . Sadly she moved away not long after we met . I was then that I decided to finally ask Theresa to go on a date with me. I had two Alice cooper tickets and to my shock she agreed. That whole week I was so exited or should I say Paul was exited ! Theresa knew nothing about my alter ego Mike and to tell you the truth around Theresa I was still the shy clumsy Paul she always knew. That night at the concert I bought some Microdot acid and took it thinking it would give me courage. Instead I got so high I don’t think I said one word to her . When we got back to the project she went home to bed . I was still very high and hallucinating when I ran into Jack Babinau an old Bully from high school. I don’t think he remembered me but it seemed he was coming back fro the concert too . We went to his house for a bit wich turned out to be a strange experience . Not because I was hanging out with a guy who dropped kicked me in the back when we were on the bus ! The reason was that as I sat in the living room where he left me alone I wasn’t alone at all. In fact in the corner sitting on a chair was a biker looking guy with two gun belts across his chest and holding a shot gun on his knees. He just sat there looking angry and staring at the door that I would have to go through to get out of there. Finally Jack found what he came for and we left together . I think Jack was scared of him also because later that night He ask me to go back and get his coat and I said no” way I’m going back in there “and he said” me either“! As I started coming off the drugs I realised that I had ruined my chance with Theresa . I felt like an idiot! Not long after I met Sharon . Sharon was a good person and we dated for a couple of weeks . She was a really good kisser . Sharon was the kind of person that if you met her you would feel comfortable talking about anything with. I don’t know for sure why we broke up . I think it was because she talked a lot about her ex boyfriends which made her seem more experience then me so I was intimidated . She was an awesome person and she really loved her brother Roger! She talked about him all the time . He was her idol . Not long after we broke up I introduced her to Dom. Setting anyone up with Dom the womanizer seems mean but they actually hit it off and eventually married. Sadly I missed that wedding . I regret that very much and I regret not keeping in touch with both my best friend Dom and Sharon over the years . Once they started dating I was going to redirect my attention to Theresa but just at that Time Roger started dating her so I didn't persue her. Around that time the security guards chased me around the project and right out into the field Dom had lit on fire.I ducked and he went flying over me but his partner got me. I was escorted of the property once again.That was my queue that it was time for a change so I went home where my parents lived and pack my back pack. Not long after I headed to Toronto. A lot happen in that short little summer in Pinecrest. I returned a few times after but it just reminded me that I still loved Theresa so I stop going there.My time in Toronto would bring a few adventures of its own.