Who is Family?

If you asked people who they call Family they will likely point to those they were born from or there siblings . For years I would of agreed! Even though I left home very young and have barely kept in touch with my family they were still the people I would point to as “My Family”. Of course that includes my 2 sons and my wife for 13 years. First lets look at Francine. She was by far the most responsible of all my sisters . As a role model I once thought her to be ideal and irreproachable . The reality was she was married to a man who would often been rumoured to have made advances to not only my sisters but later my nieces even. Although his own daughters have never made accusations that I am aware of I did find it odd how out of control they hate was suddenly for there Mom and Dad. Francine took sides against her own Daughters and stood by her husband and disowned anyone who dare to accuse him . That would later include my sister Jocelyn. For me it was years earlier when she and her husband became more prominent in the Jehovah Witness organisation. As she put it then “we have nothing in common now “ . This statement was made to me once it was reveal that I was no longer a member of this organisation. Jehovah Witness were also people I once considered as family until I was shun for speaking out about some of there teachings. So in religion people often refer to each other as Brothers and Sisters. For me that proved to be short live. Then there is Danielle the sister who ‘s hate for men eventually came to a peak when my Dad died and was turned on me with such vicious lies that would turn even My Mom away from me. When a Sister call’s you a women beater and a rapist to your friends when ironically you’ve barely spend a total of 1 month together in the total of 35 years can I really call her My sister? Then there ‘s my sister Carole who at the age of 14 running away and eventually landed in a reform school for girls. Its true she was the battered child as was my brother Rehal was but we were only children too why did she have to turn vicious around us with very little provocation. Why blame us? She may have gotten the beatings but as children we had to witness them does she really believe that we are not also scarred from this? When she came to my home to so call support me but instead tried to ruin what was in my mind my last Christmas with my kids and then to threaten me with the Hells Angels! Is this Family? Then there’s my brother Rehal who was also abused and by the age of 13 was in reform schools for years then in and out of our lives . We never bonded! He was never there to help me deal with the bullies in my life or be a big brother. Recently these three members of my family with the collaboration of Francine not only told vicious lies to turn my Mom against me but moved her so I can’t find her to this day. Is this “Family”? I think not! Will I morn if any one of them dies before me in the next few years . I think not! If I won a lottery tomorrow would they be in my thoughts as people to help? Not likely. Maybe I am a perpetual victim maybe not ! I have suffered as much grief from those I whom I would call friends throught out my life as from my own family and still to this day.
In contrast there is the Barbe Family. After 35 years of not hearing from me and suddenly I come into there life again and this is what I got . They received me like I had never left. They did not judge me, they did not even rebuke me for not having kept contact. Instead they gathered together to give me the warmest welcome any human being could ever hope for. I felt so close to them . They have had years of living with there own tragedies and tribulations but all this was put aside briefly for my visit. To me that is Family! You can’t buy that kind of love!
What about my wife you probably think ! Surely she’s family! The 13 years I spent married it would be best to sum up as I lived with my worst enemy for 13 years. She not only was my worst enemy during my marriage but in the divorce she took away the only 2 thing that mattered left . That was my 2 sons. She destroyed my soul if there is such a thing before she left then she wilfully took advantage of my emotional breakdown and had me sign myself out of all our joint assets. Will I morn her if she dies before me. Not likely !In fact if not for the love I have for my sons I would wish her a long and horrible death that would resemble all the pain I have endured since the day we married.
Maybe the problem is me! Maybe I have bonding issues! All I know is I once referred to all of them as my family at one time or another now there just pains of my past that will haunted me until I die.
You hear over and over how blood relatives are to each other and yet still refer to each other as Family! Why? We all only have 1 life to live and why spend it reliving the same pain over and over again. The bible says somewhere that if a hand causes you to sin you should cut it out . Well my saying is “If anyone! Causes you repeated pain or rejects you unprovoked then you cut them out of your life for good and don’t look back or feel guilty” LOVE is earned it is not just a fact! I have always let the people I care about know I love them in one way or another and if you have done the same then you are "guilt free" cut your enemies loose and enjoy your life.
My Family is my 2 sons Daniel and Jean Paul and the remaining members like Jocelyn and Alan who did not take part is my family’s recent and past sins.Of course all my nieces and nepheus !Regretably my Mom who is too poisoned by the others to know me from the lyies must now live out her days without ever seing me again . Most importantly my family is the Barbe family whom I will cherish until I dies and will dearly morn any of them dying before me.